One of the promises I made when I decided to stay in Singapore again is to keep blogging. Okay, once a week it's still good enough, at least I have a record of my journey in life.

How am I doing lately?
It's good, I'm getting used to the situation, no more regrets, or tears for that matter. No more homesick, and yes, still counting days.

Okay, still with passion searching. So on may latest workbook in the passion test, it stated that whatever decision you've made, it have to be for the sake of our passion. Even tough it seems impossible, but that decision will lead you to a better thing, your passion.

Then this opportunity to work in Singapore come. My dream is to open my own business and to have a flexible working hours, but all of that require a big amount of capital. I thought, this could be it, working in Singapore can provide me the capital I needed. So I took the offer.

But if I really look at it, I probably getting away from my passion. The idea to have my own business is for me to be able to spend my time with family, have more time doing the things i love. Choosing to be away from them and working 9hours (or more!) a day is not giving me enough time for myself.

If  I want to have capital for my business, I could've taken other ways, I could've taken the offer to be an insurance agent( I know, i know, it's soo not me, but the profit you'll get it's rewarding you know!), or i could've explore the design and build projects in Bandung. There's so many other ways! why choose this?

I couldn't answer. And honestly, I still have regrets.
But the decision have been made. And I'm here. The best way to handle this is just to enjoy the experience. And be grateful of what I have.

But I can't help to wonder, If I really followed my heart. If I reject this offer and follow the options for the sake of my passion. Where I would be right now?

My online shop is going well, I manage to sell some items, i get almost 800 visitor in 4 days opening, we've been reviewed by 3 major websites, and I manage to buy 3rd stock offline and all the items are sooo beautiful. In short; I am happy.

Actually thanks to my lack of understanding in business, my poor calculation ability, and my low self esteem I didn't make much profit. But I actually enjoying every bit of it. Maybe this is it, maybe this is my passion, the things that I willing to do even tough I'm not making a lot of money out of it?

Yay!!

And I have a big dream for this online boutique of mine, I do hope I'll learn a lot, grow, and bring this business to a whole other level, one day.
For now, I'm grateful :-)

In my attempt to find my passion, I did anything I could think of. I took the test from The Passion Test. I took online test, I browsed, I attend workshops, all sort of things.

So the major question is..do I manage to find my passion?
Well the answer to that is yes..and no.

You see, the answer to my passion is not as clear as I might think it'll be. There's kind of people who had a clear vision about their passion, what they're going to do in their lives. And I always thought that I'm that kind of people. The problem is I'm easily distracted, moody, and had a short term memory.

Let's review one by one about my findings.
based on this, it's actually very easy to find our passion. But the brain had a mind of its own. It like to jump around to avoid things that is difficult and troublesome and goes to the things that is easy and laid back.

I haven't really quite there yet but one thing for sure; my source of happiness is not how much I have achieved or how far I have traveled, but it's my family. And even if I have found my true passion, the things I want to do, without my family, it will never be the same.
And other things that I lack in my life now is the feeling of grateful.
I often felt lost, lazy, unfortunate, and too focused in finding my passion and feeling too self conscious I forgot to be grateful. I'm to focused too the things I wish to achieved and forgot to be grateful for what I have achieved. There's no reason for me to feel unhappy, and the reason for finding my passion s not because i'm not happy, but because i'm trying to live the fullest.

Okay, remember the project I've told you before?
The one I was excited about? I took hours to make it perfect and actually enjoy doing it? The things I've been doing for 2 weeks full and neglecting other projects?

It's suppose to launch tomorrow but I will give you a sneak peek.

Pls click:

Yess! I'be been wanting to do this since 2 years ago. But don't have the courage and enough determination to do it.
I know it's not much, and a lot of people doing the same thing these days.
But I put my heart for this project. There's love and passion in it.
So do visit and enjoy!
And do some shopping won't hurt too :-)

During my passion searching I come to realize, wait no, to certain that Architecture is definitely Not my passion. Architecture is my way of making money. And as we all knew, what we do for a living is not necessarily what our passion is.

And after a few weeks not dealing to architecture at all, I find it very relaxing and when I imagine that world, and the works, I convinced myself not to go back.
So I focused to my dreams, my goals, and how to achieve them. The problem is, most of my dreams required big amount of money to achieve it.

And then suddenly, after almost a year, my former bos called me, and offered me a project.

Yes, an architecture project.

And I got tempted.
Well the money is good, maybe if I do this for a while..

I haven't decided yet. But one thing for sure, the road for a passionate life is full of temptation.

Is basically planning and studying for a project. And I gladly to say, it's not architecture project :D
It's not much actually, but it's a major step for me to get out my comfort zone. To actually DO something.
Of course, with saying my magic spell over and over again in my head;

"Lakukan saja apapun resikonya!"

Yeah!

OOoooohh...
This excitement.
This clear image in my mind.
This happiness.

I think I found my passion!!

*exclaimes yay!*

I won't revealed anything before I'm 100% sure about this feeling.
I'll give it a day or two and we'll see :D

Why am I add part 1 on the title? because I know it's going to be several episodes until I finally find it.

Anyway for the past weeks I've been trying to indulge myself doing what I thought was my passion.

I wrote a few short stories (okay, it was only two)
I finally learned to do a watercolor painting (I manage only doing 1 draw, ad not the kind of drawing I wanted. It suppose to be a tutorial and I was planning to do the real drawing..still planning)
I tried to focus on my 'real' architecture project. Knowing that this is one of my dreams. But failed to maintain the enthusiasm.
I went to a craft store to find something that might attract me, that make me feel..'OOoh..this is what I always wanted to do'. Got a few inspirations and ideas. But nope, didn't feel any of those.
Studying about doing my own business, reading books, and learning from other people success stories only to find out I might not the kind of person who will fit this kind of job.
Practicing some recipes and I noticed that while I love doing this for my family, it's not what I want to do as a career, simply because I'm not that good.

What is wrong with me?
Why is it so hard to find my passion?
Why am I so moody?
Are those things really my passion but I'm just to moody to realize it?
Or I my negative thoughts blocks all me real passion?
Or I just simply haven't found it yet?

So, yeah.

Still trying.

I used to love drawings..From elementary through high school, I love to draw, even though mostly the kind of drawings found in Japanese comic. I used to draw my own comic using notebook (nope, not the laptop, but the book you use to write when you're in school, the one with lines and everything). I had my original comic in 1 huge suitcase, but yes, like my dreams to be a comic book writer, they all disappeared.

There's a reason why I stopped drawing since 3rd grade of High School, and that is why I took architecture, since there's a drawing element in the study which later I found is NOT THE SAME AT ALL.

Anyway, Now I'm trying to draw again.
And because I never draw since ages, I took it hard to start. But I'll keep trying :-)
But but my taste change a bit, I don't really like Japanese comic style anymore but more like these:
This is one of my favorite inspiration, aren't they lovely?




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