My online shop is going well, I manage to sell some items, i get almost 800 visitor in 4 days opening, we've been reviewed by 3 major websites, and I manage to buy 3rd stock offline and all the items are sooo beautiful. In short; I am happy.

Actually thanks to my lack of understanding in business, my poor calculation ability, and my low self esteem I didn't make much profit. But I actually enjoying every bit of it. Maybe this is it, maybe this is my passion, the things that I willing to do even tough I'm not making a lot of money out of it?

Yay!!

And I have a big dream for this online boutique of mine, I do hope I'll learn a lot, grow, and bring this business to a whole other level, one day.
For now, I'm grateful :-)

In my attempt to find my passion, I did anything I could think of. I took the test from The Passion Test. I took online test, I browsed, I attend workshops, all sort of things.

So the major question is..do I manage to find my passion?
Well the answer to that is yes..and no.

You see, the answer to my passion is not as clear as I might think it'll be. There's kind of people who had a clear vision about their passion, what they're going to do in their lives. And I always thought that I'm that kind of people. The problem is I'm easily distracted, moody, and had a short term memory.

Let's review one by one about my findings.
based on this, it's actually very easy to find our passion. But the brain had a mind of its own. It like to jump around to avoid things that is difficult and troublesome and goes to the things that is easy and laid back.

I haven't really quite there yet but one thing for sure; my source of happiness is not how much I have achieved or how far I have traveled, but it's my family. And even if I have found my true passion, the things I want to do, without my family, it will never be the same.
And other things that I lack in my life now is the feeling of grateful.
I often felt lost, lazy, unfortunate, and too focused in finding my passion and feeling too self conscious I forgot to be grateful. I'm to focused too the things I wish to achieved and forgot to be grateful for what I have achieved. There's no reason for me to feel unhappy, and the reason for finding my passion s not because i'm not happy, but because i'm trying to live the fullest.

She's just an ordinary girl who fell in love.
It was love at the first sight.
It was the only love she had.
As dance with her own thoughts, she heard the music inside hear head,,

"Whisper softly softly in my ear
Say all the things I want to hear
So speak low, if you speak love

Oh baby baby drink the poison
We can disappear, away, away from here
Can you hear?
Whisper softly in your ear,
We will never, ever know
Cause our love was always a secret

I say those god damn kids got nothing on me
They just laugh and dance at insecurities
Well I know who I am
Do you know who I am?

Oh baby baby drink the poison
We can disappear, away, away from here
Can you hear?
Whisper softly in your ear,
We will never, ever know
Cause our love was always a secret

Tell me, can you hear
Whisper softly in your ear,
We will never, ever know
Cause our love was always a secret

I say those god damn kids got nothing on me
I say those god damn kids got nothing on me
Cause I know who I am
Do you know, who I am?
I say those god damn kids got nothing on me
I say those god damn kids got nothing on me
Well I know who I am
And You'll never know who I am

Can you hear
Whisper softly in your ears,
We will never, ever know
Cause our love was always a secret"


Can you hear
Whisper softly in your ear,
We will never, ever know
Cause our love was always a secret

Tell me, can you hear
Whisper softly in your ear,
We will never, ever know
Cause our love was always a secret"


She felt cold, and her mind felt numb.
She take a deep breath...releasing her feeling..
releasing everything..
It's time..she thought.






And the she jump.




**************************




lyrics by:My American Heart

Okay, remember the project I've told you before?
The one I was excited about? I took hours to make it perfect and actually enjoy doing it? The things I've been doing for 2 weeks full and neglecting other projects?

It's suppose to launch tomorrow but I will give you a sneak peek.

Pls click:

Yess! I'be been wanting to do this since 2 years ago. But don't have the courage and enough determination to do it.
I know it's not much, and a lot of people doing the same thing these days.
But I put my heart for this project. There's love and passion in it.
So do visit and enjoy!
And do some shopping won't hurt too :-)

I watched Prince of Persia last night with my husband. No no, the title doesn't represent that movie, but the trailer  I watched before the movie starts. Both Indonesian movies, one called The Sexy City, and the other called Istri Boongan.

*for the istri boongan I guess the movies is soo lame and such a low quality type of movie I even can't find the poster on the web.


By seeing the poster I guess all of us get a clear picture how the movie going to like.
It amuses me. Call me conservative, old fashion and against modernity or whatever, but last time I check, this kind of movies never got in to the theater! It's soo vulgar and against the east values that we suppose to have and it's so.... Hollywood.

But not in a good way.

Especially Istri Boongan with Julia Perez as a star. Ugh..she got the nerve to be the candidate of Bupati Pacitan, with that morale! in that kind of movies!

Anyway, I just can't help to think why are we so fussy and willing to put our effort and attention to the scandal  of the A,L,C movies but let those 2 movies got into the theater? I bet those movies won't be help to improve our nation morale too.

*sigh*

During my passion searching I come to realize, wait no, to certain that Architecture is definitely Not my passion. Architecture is my way of making money. And as we all knew, what we do for a living is not necessarily what our passion is.

And after a few weeks not dealing to architecture at all, I find it very relaxing and when I imagine that world, and the works, I convinced myself not to go back.
So I focused to my dreams, my goals, and how to achieve them. The problem is, most of my dreams required big amount of money to achieve it.

And then suddenly, after almost a year, my former bos called me, and offered me a project.

Yes, an architecture project.

And I got tempted.
Well the money is good, maybe if I do this for a while..

I haven't decided yet. But one thing for sure, the road for a passionate life is full of temptation.

I always thought that having your own business is a privilege. Its not for everyone. It's for strong people, physically and mentally. I watched with my own eyes, friends, relatives, member of my families who start up their own business, but in the end failed to go on. And have to face the worst.

Bankruptcy.

And I always thought that I'm not one of those people. Not the strong minded person and definitely not the one who can bare all the risk.
But what if I am? what if all I need to do is try and find out and who knows I can make t big.
Or go for bankruptcy.
Which is a scary thought. But they say fail is a learning process for success right?
I'm sure all the businessman (and business woman) have this thoughts before.
Or they haven't? which only shows that I really don't have it in me.

Is basically planning and studying for a project. And I gladly to say, it's not architecture project :D
It's not much actually, but it's a major step for me to get out my comfort zone. To actually DO something.
Of course, with saying my magic spell over and over again in my head;

"Lakukan saja apapun resikonya!"

Yeah!

" A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, an optimist see the opportunity in every difficulty " - Sir Winston Churcill

It's really hard to believe in yourself when the person who suppose to believe in you seemed not to.


*sigh*

OOoooohh...
This excitement.
This clear image in my mind.
This happiness.

I think I found my passion!!

*exclaimes yay!*

I won't revealed anything before I'm 100% sure about this feeling.
I'll give it a day or two and we'll see :D